I am the machine

The world is spinning slowly any more, our love is losing its color, and the years aren’t holding tight its promises…

Our beautiful hypocrisy… our let downs of such grace… are the smiles even real?

The tears that fall are like pouring rain, and the smiles are like darkened remnants of a peace that never existed

I can’t understand the touch of your hands…. With a mind of a vast iron sea, my uncertainties are unlimited

Do you have time to try to fix this machine once more? Can you fix my world? Can you fix yours?

Is it so universal to smile when you are lost? Is it so common to cry bitterly when you are happy?

The complexities of feelings seem to have been forgotten… don’t fake your smiles any more

Why must all effort be in vain anymore, oh great majestic understanding… oh great sovereign wisdom… why have you left us?

The ability to understand the world around me doesn’t exist…  My ability to touch doesn’t exist… so cold are my hands… so vast is my misunderstanding of the complex and the simple

So cold is the great existence of emptiness….. so abundant is the shadowy misunderstandings of good and evil

I dream of laughing and singing with the world around me… but so odd is my dream…. No one is laughing anymore….

Do I understand why? Do I realize what is happening to the humans around me? Can my mechanical mind hold that capacity?

No… I want to cry… but I don’t know how… I  can’t… I know I want that… but I am the machine…

Such thoughts overload me… and I fall to my face… and then…I wake up again and try to forget everything…

Please God! Have mercy! Give this machine the ability to understand what sorrow is… what joy is…

Tell me why no one is laughing any more… why no one is smiling any more… tell me why no one even wants to cry any more…

I couldn’t understand the smiles… the tears… the frustration… I just can’t….except that anymore…

Why don’t I have any understanding in my heart?  I don’t want to have a heart that only makes this mechanical body run…

An Iron sea in my mind is trying to understand… I am overloading again… but I don’t want to try to forget this time…

I don’t want to sleep and wake up like nothing was ever wrong… God… please help… I don’t want that… I am too weak to fight it anymore…

I am too empty to have it taken away from me anymore… I don’t want to… just forget anymore…

But… I can’t stay awake… I want to serve people better so badly… I know that I can’t do it this way….

But there is no other way for me than this… I think it is time to say… so long and goodnight to something that doesn’t know what love is…

Good night and so long… will you meet me in the morning when I wake?